Life lessons learned

Valuable lessons learned during a summer spent in quiet, monastic contemplation:

1. It is highly irresponsible to speed while driving drunk. You could get pulled over.

2. 4am soccer is better played in Bethesda traffic than barefoot on wet grass.

3. On that note, storefront windows resist soccer balls much better than Rvan's living room window.

4. If the need to escape arises, front royal, virginia offers a bevy of cheap, plentiful, presumably well-insulated motel rooms

5. "The Exorcist" was set there for a reason: Georgetown is pure evil.

6. While it is difficult to get fired from a temp job, believe that you can do anything you put your mind to

7. Tardiness with finesse is a virtue

8. Under no circumstances should you store magic mushrooms in the family fridge

9. For the truly astute, O.A.R. dangerously blurs the line between irony and sincerity

10. Contrary to popular belief, the backseat of a Taurus is not a favorable place to spend the night.

11. The South is best seen through a purple haze, majestic, but passing quickly by in a fast-moving car.

12. It's not too hard to write really solid hip-hop lyrics.